Content Objectives
Listening
The Merriam Webster dictionary defines listen as “to hear something with thoughtful attention, give consideration.”3 This is a skill with which my students have difficulty. In fact, it is something that I still struggle with myself. What does it mean to actively listen to another human being? Throughout the course of the school day, I need to “listen” to many different people – my principal, colleagues, and multitudes of students. During my hectic day, how much do I truly listen, to hear what is being said? Last fall, one of my former students came back for a visit, dropping in unexpectantly one afternoon after the school day was done. He stayed for about fifteen minutes in which I “listened” to him talk while I straightened things up and put away papers at my desk. He told me about his change of majors, we engaged in a conversation about a mutual professor we knew, and laughed about an old joke we had about him never introducing me to his brother. The next day he went missing, only to be found days later after he had committed suicide. A question that runs through my mind is, “Did I really listen to him?” Did I give him enough attention and consideration? He served as a very important life lesson for me. I vowed to myself that I would not complete busy work when someone visited with me; instead, when someone came to me, to my classroom, I would actively listen – no matter how much work I had in front of me or a deadline that needed to be met. Since then I have strived – continue to do so – to work on the practice of listening.
In the course of a school day I see my students more and more attached to their cell phones versus the people around them. In fact, in the book, The Lost Art of Listening, Michael P. Nichols contends that we have lost the habit of concentrating on others mostly due to the fact that there is so much information around us all the time. He states that the “lack of listening impoverishes our most important relationships. We hurt each other unnecessarily by failing to acknowledge what the other one has to say.”4 In seminar, our readings and discussion are about the stories people tell or those stories that are told for us regarding our identities. As humans, we want to be understood and have an intense desire to belong. Having someone truly listen, with full attention on us, results in us feeling a stronger connection that then enables us to better understand one another. To further elaborate, Nichols writes, “Listening serves two purposes – taking in the information as well as bearing witness to another’s experience.”5 In doing so, people feel cared for and accepted rather than isolated. We are “honored”, as Patrice, one of my Life Writing Fellows, stated in seminar.
The unit will begin with helping students to develop their actively listening skills – to be more fully involved in what their peers are trying to convey. Our classroom situation is different from the norm in that students are at three different locations connected by cameras and computers. This skill of listening is essential to the well being of the group. In a situation, in which students could pay attention to only those in their immediate vicinity, the goal I have for them is to show as much attention to those that are at a distance from them as those who are close by.
“Listening means paying attention not only to the story, but how it is told, the use of language and voice, and how the other person uses his or her body. In other words, it means being aware of both verbal and non-verbal messages. Your ability to listen effectively depends on the degree to which you perceive and understand these messages.”6
Students must make a conscious decision to listen and watch others for cues to understand the complete message the speaker is trying to convey. It includes listening with all of the senses. Additionally, students must try to not pay heed to preconceived notions7 they may have of a speaker and to be open to speaker’s words/their story. Lastly, we must ask ourselves, why is it so difficult to listen? The answer is simple: most people are not actively listening to those who are speaking because they are waiting for their own turn; they are already thinking about how they will respond.8 This is central to any conversation, and particularly so within the classroom situation in which people are competing with up to thirty others for their “turn”. A lot of interrupting others can occur.
According to Sherrie Bourg Carter, three behaviors are common in those who listen well: being respectful of others, talking less than you listen, and challenging your own familiar assumptions.9 Obviously, it is a difficult skill to master and needs to be constantly practiced. So, patience is important, as we need time for the skill to develop. Introducing students to a step-by-step process to better listening is a good beginning. These include: maintain eye contact, be attentive, keep an open mind as to what the speaker is saying, no interrupting, when speaker pauses ask clarifying questions, try to feel what the speaker feels, give regular feedback.10 During our time over these past weeks, I have seen our Seminar Leader, Jill Campbell, practice part of this skill. During each of her colleague’s morning talks, I observed her taking notes. Using these, each day in our seminar, she carefully reflected on what the day’s speaker had presented and wove it into our topic of the day. I am going to have my students take notes in a similar manner.
Identity
During our first time together, Campbell focused the conversation on the seminar’s central theme of identity, a sort of overview of its definition and explanation dependent on a variety of sources. The question of Who are You? began with self-explanations of our names. Each Fellow’s answer began to give us clues to their story. Afterwards, she defined identity for us as: The fact of being who or what a person or thing is. The characteristics determining this…2. A close similarity or affinity.11 Famous writers such as John Locke, Beverly Daniel Tatum, and Erik Erikson’s theories were just as complex as people’s explanations of their names. Locke focused on the sameness – yesterday, today, and tomorrow as who they are/their identity. Tatum’s emphasis was on the complex nature of our make up in that we are who we are due to all the forces around us that have had a hand in determining our identity. This mirrors the sociological concept of the sociological imagination in that you are who you are in relation to the space, place, and time you are born. This is a concept that students will have been introduced to prior to studying the topic of gender.
For this unit, my main focus is on the work of Erick Erikson regarding identity. Most of my students are familiar with Erik Erikson’s psychoanalytic theory of psychosocial development comprised of eight stages spanning from birth to death. This personality development occurs in a staged process – one after the other from the first stage at infancy of trust versus mistrust to the eighth and final stage in old age, of ego integrity versus despair. Each stage is psychosocial; meaning there are two sides of the conflict – the psychological needs of the individual versus the social/environmental needs. At each stage, a person must resolve a conflict in order to avoid a crisis.
The stage that is of interest to this unit in particular, is the fifth one – Ego Identity versus Role Confusion during adolescence from ages 12 – 18. Of course, this is the stage that my students find themselves in. During this time “adolescents search for a sense of self and personal identity, through an intense exploration of personal values, beliefs and goals.”12 It is a complicated process in which people are determining their sexual and occupational identities. In this major stage of development, the adolescent is transitioning from child to adult and with this transition, come many changes. Young people “try on” many different roles as they learn to navigate their new independence while trying to determine where they fit in to society – what type of job might they have, where might they live and with whom, what will be their profession?
Erikson recognized a challenge in accepting others despite “ideological differences.”13 Within this stage one must struggle with the idea of accepting others while also accepting oneself, and even what others may think of said person. Of particular interest to this unit on Gender are the ideas of self, body image, and sex roles within the formation or establishment of our identity. At a time in which young people are confused about their identity and trying to figure things out, it is very difficult for some of them to deal with the additional issue of not being part of the gender binary. Forcing someone into a category can have negative effects, some extreme. These can result in rebellion or unhappiness.14 In the podcast, How To Be a Girl, Marlo Mack, speaks about raising her nine-year-old transgender daughter. In one of the first episodes she told the story of when at age three her “son” came to her and said, “I’m a girl.” What ensued afterwards was about a year of telling him that he was a boy that liked girl things, among others. She said he became sad, depressed and remained like that for quite a long time until she and her husband at the time agreed with what he said and began the process of transitioning.
Reconsidering Gender
The subject of gender is complex. In readings that I have completed, most try to approach it from multiple perspectives – biological sex, gender identity, and gender expression – that are independent of each other. The biological sex is the physical make-up of bodies. Gender identity, usually established by age three, is whom you know yourself to be, how you think about yourself inside15. In one of the Young Adolescent (YA) texts students will be reading, George, by Alex Gino, the main character (George) knows that she is a girl not a boy. She keeps these thoughts and behaviors secret until she finally confides in her best friend, Kelly.
“They’re jerks,” said Kelly. “You’re not a girl.” “What if I am?” George was startled by her words.
Kelly drew back in surprise. “What? That’s ridiculous.
You’re a boy. I mean” – she pointed vaguely downward at George – “you have a you-know-what, right?”
“Yeah, but…” George trailed off and looked at the ground.
She kicked a small rock that skipped into a tuft of grass.
She didn’t feel like a boy.
They stood together in a heavy silence. Kelly’s brow furrowed in thought. After a few moments, she spoke.
“You know, I thought about whether I was a boy once. Back when I wanted to be a firefighter and I thought all firefighters were boys. Is it like that?”
“I don’t think so, Kelly.”16
Gender expression is how you present on the outside. This is how others interpret who you are according to their gender expectations. These are established by one’s society. In Liz Prince’s graphic memoir, Tomboy, she reflects on her years growing up and how she did not match what was expected of a girl when from the age of four she preferred wearing a baseball cap, pants, and a hand-me-down blazer to a dress.
Sex
At a baseline level, a person’s sex is determined by primary sex characteristics – those that are necessary for reproduction. Most cultures are binary – meaning, they have two categories, male and female. If you have a penis, you are considered male. If you have a vagina/ovaries, you are considered female. However, things are never easy. In fact, it is much more complicated. Sex is more encompassing to include “measurable organs, hormones, chromosomes, and other anatomy”17. For example, “about 1 in 1500 to 1 in 2000 births”18 are born intersexed – born with any combination of male and/or female primary sex characteristics. However, there are also multiple types of intersex. The Intersex Society of North America claims that many more people are born with some type of sex anatomy variation, many of which may not show up until adolescence.19 In fact, about one out of one hundred babies are born with non-standard male or female bodies. From what I gathered looking at this from a spectrum perspective could be helpful.
Ambiguity is difficult for people within a society to handle; it does not fit in our binary world. “We make the whole world obey a gender binary, a separation of everything into two different and contrasting gendered boxes.”20 Imagine as you have grown into adulthood and have thought solely in binary terms – then, you have a baby. First thought may be – what is it? A boy or girl? But, the doctor doesn’t state either of those words. Instead, there is not a clear answer. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) noted this issue to be a “social emergency” until 2006. Now the AAP defines it as “congenital conditions in which development of chromosomal, gonadal, or anatomic sex is atypical.”21 These babies are labeled as having a “disorder of sexual development (DSD).”22 The AAP lists guidelines which include a gender assignment be given after an expert evaluation, long-term management should consist of an interdisciplinary team, open communication with families and in the strictest of confidences.”23 The team looks first at the internal anatomy and then to the chromosomes in their determination of the sex.
Another issue that arises is that sometimes a person’s chromosomes do not match their anatomy. In most cases, two chromosomes determine a person’s sex. The mother gives an X chromosome. The father gives another X chromosome to be female; or a Y chromosome to be male. In vitro, the process to become male or female is complicated. Each embryo has both sets in which “A molecular chain of events orders one set to disintegrate at about eight weeks. Around nine weeks the embryo starts to develop external genitalia that match the internal sex organs.24 The SRY gene makes the proto-gonads turn into testes that will then secrete testosterone and other male hormones. Or they will turn into ovaries, producing estrogen and other female hormones. However, this gene can be dysfunctional at times, leading to “an XY embryo that fails to develop male anatomy and is identified at birth as a girl” or “show up on the X chromosome, leading to an XX embryo that does develop male anatomy and is identified at birth as a boy”.25 Some other variations include Turner’s syndrome in which people with just one X chromosome grow up as females. Also, individuals with Klinefelter’s syndrome have two X chromosomes and one Y, and grow up as men. There are XX males and XY females whose sex doesn’t match their chromosomes. Usually this is explained by the presence or absence of particular genes; sometimes it’s because of unusual levels of particular hormones at important developmental stages.”26 Although this is a very complicated matter, in reality, babies are labeled as boy or girl by their external genitalia at birth. Because of the intensity of this subject and the interest my students have in it, we will be reviewing a variety of sources including medical texts and organizations’ explanations regarding this issue.
Gender as a Social Construct
After the explanation of what is sex, one must turn to what is gender. Sociologists study many things within this topic. First, they look at the meanings that are given to the male and female categories. In a broader sense, it investigates the gender system, “a system of meaning and differentiation, lined to the sexes through social arrangements.”27 Second, it looks at the trends of change within the system – the nature of them and the forces behind them. For example, on some level, gender has become less noticeable as women’s opportunities have increased. Additionally, it explores the meanings of maleness and femaleness in social contexts and the effects of these meanings on the individual and groups. Furthermore, they “pursue questions about people and social structure: the pattern of social relationships and behavior” such as “discriminatory practices and pay scales”.28 Lastly, they examine “individuals’ agency or active approach to finding ways to participate in, adapt to, change their circumstances.”29
Within the field of sociology, the general understanding of gender – male/masculinity and female/femininity – is based on the society’s construction of what is expected and ideal for males and females. Gender is referred to as the “social practice of perceiving and defining aspects of people and situations inconsistently” to force our observations to fit our social beliefs.30 It is learned throughout one’s lifetime through an overt and covert system of reinforcement. In fact, it becomes institutionalized. Judith Lorber writes about individuals viewing gender as sameness yet for society it means difference – a distinction between the two categories of male and female. The gender daily practices, norms, and expectations institutionalize gender.31 Examples of these include: who does what types of jobs/enters what types of professions, body hair practices, clothing, expression of emotions, among others.
Gender Ideals
Gender Ideals are the exaggerations of both the “perfect” male and female to include appearance, behavior, and mental and emotional characteristics – those that are believed to be appropriate by society. These are standards to which each member compares him/herself. Think about magazine advertisements to better understand a gender ideal – how are males and females portrayed? In our culture, who should have hair under their arms or on their legs? These ideals are, for many, difficult to achieve and unable to sustain, especially as we age. Manipulation of bodies such as feet binding in China, use of corsets in earlier times, and plastic surgery such as breast augmentation are some of the ways people have tried or try to meet gender ideals. Commercialization of these ideals is overwhelming in our society. There are multitudes of creams, pills, machines – a variety of products that promise whatever ideal you are looking for! Advertisers use a combination of psychological and sociological tactics to get you to purchase products so that one can dye their hair, melt away fat, plump their lips, and moisturize any area of one’s body. There is always a new and better product available to help one accomplish the ideal set by society. Additionally, the market has expanded to include men, capitalizing on the commercialization of society’s ideas for the “perfect” man. Products for skin and hair care, for example, can now be found for men as well. Although, as humans, when we age, these ideals become more and more difficult to obtain due to the natural body changes that accompany it, the ideals do not change, making the quest relentless.
Socialization
These ways of believing what is considered masculine and feminine are learned over time. Each interaction we have with others is dictated by what you are. As you grow up, you internalize these expectations, which, in turn, make you act in certain ways that are considered appropriate for the society in which you live. Agents of socialization including parents, siblings, friends, schools, religious leaders, and mass media help to mold you. Norms, or the “written and unwritten rules that govern our behavior” 32, that are reinforced by these agents of socialization. One of our Seminar Fellows, Toni, spoke about her own daughter who went against the rules, preferring Spider Man products instead of the ones normally associated with girls. However, in the third grade she chose a backpack with just one color, odd for her. When Toni asked, her daughter told her it was because she did not want to hear negative comments from her peers. We see how people are kept within the lines by the responses of those around us. This is an example of social control.
This manifests itself on a very intimate level of a family member or peers to a much larger level. In Janet Mock’s memoir, she writes about an event that occurred around the age of three when she was playing with her mother’s earrings. After an unfortunate encounter of the backing sliding into the inside of her ear and a visit to the doctor to have it taken out, her father’s “booming voice filled our house with reprimands about why his son was playing with earrings.”33 Additionally, in “Bros Before Hos”: The Guy Code, Kimmel writes about masculinity rules men should follow. He states that fathers and coaches teach these and that these rules constantly need to be proved, and monitored since other men judge you. He states, “men subscribe to these ideals not because they want to impress women, let alone any inner drive or desire to test themselves against some abstract standards. They do it because they want to be positively evaluated by other men.”34 In many of the texts that I read, just as in Bros, it referred to “doing gender” as performing, beginning at a very early age. It is maintained on the micro-level in face-to-face interactions with individuals and small groups to a macro-level of institutions, such as a man versus a woman shopping. Social interactions are life-long and maintain the ongoing means for socialization even as an adult.35
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